I Smell Bacon

Cops. It's a love-hate thing. We love them as they uphold the law, make our communities safe, risk their lives, lock up bad guys, stand out in the hot sun directing traffic, and all of the millions of other things they do to serve us. However, we hate them when all of the sudden we become the bad guy. You know what I'm talking about. I'm sure we have a couple of speed demons who are reading this...a couple of lead-foot shebas who have been ticketed once or twice. And you know how they get us. They find a remote spot to pull their car offroad. Some may even cover their cars with greenery or artificial plants and twigs from Michaels. There they wait, lurking, slouched in their cop seats just waiting...waiting...waiting with their little laser beam gun...waiting to ZAP us as we drive by. Yes, you know what I'm talking about. Then it seems we forget about all the good they do.

Well, yesterday I really questioned myself as a mother. What am I teaching my kids to think about our fellow officers?

I was on my way to a baptism at our church. Willy was already there, and I was running a tad bit late with the kids. I ran out the door without my purse (and without my double lazy-eye license). In short, I was in a hurry and was driving fast. I was about 1/4 mile away from the church turn off when THERE I saw him. He was purched on the edge of the road like a little vulture waiting to pounce.

I instinctively slammed on the brakes, not so smooth either. I was still feeling pretty good about my reflexes going from 55 mph to 45 mph that quickly...until of course, I saw the 35 mph sign. I knew he got me. I saw his tires inch forward. Oooh, I had to think fast.

Back in the day, I've gotten out of a few tickets. One time the cop that pulled me over was in my single's ward and liked my friend. That was easy. Hey Occifer. I got something you want; you've got something I want. I'll arrange something with Emily, and you just put that little pad right back in your pocket. It's not so easy now...not as many resources with 3 kids in the backseat, ya know?

Lucky for me, Mr. Copper had to make a left turn to follow me. He couldn't do it right away because of traffic. So...I quickly pulled into the church and quick-as-the-speed-of-light zipped to the back of church where I would be hidden from the road. At that point, I yelled to my sweet, impressionable kids, "GET OUT OF THE CAR! HURRY! HURRY! RUN! GET INTO THE CHURCH! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIIIIIIVES!" Boy, was I panting! And boy, were my kids wide-eyed!

No ticket for me though. I'm not sure if he just gave up, realized that he was up against a professional, or went for a donut.

Still, it is kind of ironic. I was going to a baptism at church and running like a fugitive at the same time. I hope my kids aren't too damaged by my hypocrisy.

12 Years with a Hottie

Our 12-year anniversary was June 6th. I can't believe how fast time has flown by. It seemed like yesterday that I was sitting in my first day of Book of Mormon Institute class when this really cute guy came in and sat by me "Yes!" I remember thinking, "What better way to learn about the BOM than with a hottie sitting next to me!" Well, he was a hottie until Willy walked in. (The hottie turned out to be Willy's best bud, Todd, who to many, is still a hottie). This is going to sound cheesy and sappy, but the second he walked in, we looked at each other for a moment, and I suddenly felt queasy. My cool, confident self went bye-bye, and I really was struck. Yes, he was a hottie, but that is not what made me into jello. It was the confident way he looked at me and that twinkle in his eyes. I knew at that moment that I was going to get to know that guy (and maybe plant one on him later).

And rewind 13 years, and here we are! Young muffins.

As I've thought about our life together, I feel so blessed to have shared my life with Willy. There are a million reasons why I love him, but here is a list of my TOP 10.

10. He always makes me smile when he walks through the door.

9. He encouraged and supported me when I chose to start my pre-school. He makes me feel like the best dang teacher around.

8. He has had continued support with my runs. He came to my marathon in St. George when I told him he didn't have to, and I meant it --not one of the girl tricks. This happened to be probably THE most stressful day of his life (bar results). He put me before himself, and that melted me.

7. He rolls his eyes at me without rolling his eyes. I know I get a little koo-koo, and I know that inside he is probably rolling his eyes, but most often, he makes light of the situation or brushes it off altogether.

6. He makes me feel like his priority. He works really hard, and sometimes I forget that he has a high-pressured job because he is all husband and father when he gets home.

5. He RARELY complains about anything. He'll eat pretty much anything too...except grapefruit and perhaps ward potluck sushi.

4. He makes me laugh. (Does everyone know that he still has his own "woobee" aka blanket? We are on his 3rd one since we got married and he sleeps with it every night no matter what.)

3. He only snores when he is really sick. Granted, that snore sounds like a ship's fog horn, but it's only when he's sick.

2. He is a good man who loves his Savior and honors his priesthood.

1. He is a constant in my life. I depend on him, trust him and love to kiss on him.

And here we are 2008. A little older and a little hotter.

Happy Anniversary!

There's Nothing Like the MVD

The experience of going to the MVD is as painful as...well, you may as well rip all of my toenails off. I avoid that place like the plague. That may explain why I have lived in Arizona for two years now, and I still have a Texas Driver's License. I've been feeling some pressure from myself (for about 2 years now) and decided that today was the day to get my new license.

I loaded up the 3 kids in the car with some toys and off we went to Disneyland, I mean the MVD. I warned them that it may take awhile and it may be boring. That's why we brought toys and snacks, and why they were promised a Golden Spoon yogurt when we were finished. I planned to go to a "less crowded" MVD (is that an oxymoron?), so I went to one that is in East Mesa that primarily serves the geriatric community. Why I thought that was going to be quicker--with all the little folk with walkers who act like they have all the time in the world because they've already lived a full 88 years of life--I don't know.

Anyway, they finally called my number. I stood in line to get my picture taken. Mind you, for those that don't live in Arizona...our licenses don't expire for about 30 years, so we don't have to renew until then. That could be cool if let's say you were me, 32 years old, and you wanted to be a hot lookin' 62 year old on your license 30 years from now. Or, it could stink if you had a bad hair day or the acne army attacked that week. Then you are stuck with that picture for 30 freaking years.

Well, it was my turn to take my picture. Here's how it went down:

Robot Lady: Step right over here and stand on the edge of the red line.

Me: Okay. (Then I proceed to look in the direction of the camera. Isn't that what you are supposed to do?)

Robot Lady: Uh, honey, I need you to look toward my hand. (She holds her hand out below and to the left of the camera.)

Me: (To myself: Hmmm...that's weird. Well, she knows more than I do about the MVD camera. Maybe it's off a little bit. I'll go ahead and look at her hand like she instructed.)

CLICK!

Robot Lady: It'll be ready in 3 minutes.

Hmmm? Anyone that sees my license in the next 30 years will wonder, "What on earth is she looking at?" or "Is that a case of double lazy eye?" Only you and I will know that I'M LOOKING AT THAT ROBOT LADY'S STINKIN' HAND! Why, oh why!